The hardest thing Meldrick Lewis had done in his life so far had been to raise his hand and knock on Tim Bayliss' front door. Every instinct had told him to turn and run away before Tim could answer, but he stood his ground, heart racing, as the door opened and Bayliss peered out at him.

"Did I wake you up? I can come back," Lewis said, beginning to back away.

"No, I wasn't asleep. Come on in." Bayliss held the door open and motioned Lewis past him. Too late, he realized that he had forgotten to stop the videotape he had been watching. He stepped back into the room and reached for the remote, but Lewis was already standing in front of the television.

"This ain't what I'd expect you to be watchin'," he said, his eyes never leaving the screen.

"Yeah, well, it's my little secret," Bayliss said.

"Ain't exactly the kind of thing you want to share with your fellow po-leece, huh?"

Tim jabbed at the "stop" button. "Look, can we just forget you ever saw it?"

They stood there for a moment after the VCR clicked off, neither sure what to say next. Finally, Bayliss spoke, his voice a little strained.

"Can I get you something? A beer? Soda?"

"Nah, s'okay. I ain't stayin' long."

"Well, sit down, anyway." He gestured nervously toward the one good chair he owned. Taking a weatherbeaten armchair for himself, he waited for Lewis to sit down before he began to speak again.

"So, what brings you here?" He regretted his flippancy as soon as the words left his mouth. He waited for Meldrick to react--to make a wisecrack, to get up and punch him--anything. But the other man simply sat there, on the edge of his chair, looking at him with weary eyes.

"This a joke to you?" Lewis said finally. "Because if it is, that's fine. That's all I wanted to know."

"No, it's not a joke. I'm just a little. . .well, a little surprised to see you here. That's all."

"Yeah. I'm a little surprised myself." He took a deep breath, then let it out explosively. "I ain't real good at sayin' what's on my mind, times like this."

"Just say it. There's nobody here but us."

"I know. See, that's what I'm afraid of." He shifted his gaze to the floor. "I wasn't gonna come here. Wasn't gonna say anything to you at work I didn't have to. I was just gonna let this whole thing die. But then I had a little. . .talk. . .with the Sarge tonight, and she got me thinkin'."

After a moment, Bayliss prompted him. "Thinking about what?" he asked gently.

"You and me. What we been doing." He looked up at Bayliss for a second, then turned his head away as he blurted it out. "Maybe you and me. . .maybe we gay."

"I'm not gay," Tim said firmly. "Neither are you."

"So what happened? When'd I start lookin' good to you? Somebody flip a switch and all of a sudden you wanna get gay on my ass?" Lewis' voice rose in anger as he faced the other man once again.

"Hey, I could ask you the same thing," Bayliss said mildly. "It wouldn't have gone any further if you hadn't stuck your tongue in my mouth."

Lewis sank back, deflated. "Yeah." He looked Bayliss in the eye. "Barbara left me, you know. Packed up her things and took off--if I'd been five minutes later, I'd of missed her. Maybe she had some kind of. . .intuition. She said she knew it wasn't right when we got married. Maybe she knows somethin' I didn't know."

"Look," Bayliss said forcefully, leaning towards him. "You want to be gay? You want to tell yourself that every time you wanted a woman, it was a lie? Go right ahead. You're the only one who knows what's going on inside your head. But I'm telling you it doesn't have to be that way."

"So what, then? Why'd you have to make me think about all this stuff, if it doesn't have to be like this?"

"I'm not making you think about anything I haven't thought about a hundred times. All I can tell you is, I want you because you're you, not because you're a man."

"That ain't an answer."

"It's the only answer I've got." He pushed himself up out of the armchair and stood in front of Lewis. "The way I see it, we have two choices. We can either pretend this never happened. . ."

"What about Kay?" Lewis demanded.

"You heard her. As long as we close cases, she'll be fine. We can just go on like we always have. Or we can see where this thing goes."

Meldrick thought guiltily of his encounter with Howard earlier that night. Would she still let them alone, after that? Did it matter? It was over and done with now. He couldn't take any of it back--not that night, not the day before in the Box. And whatever he did here, tonight, wouldn't make a bit of difference to Kay.

"I gotta know, though," he said aloud. "I gotta know why I'm doin' this. Why you? Why now?"

"It doesn't matter why you're doing it," Bayliss said softly. "What matters is that you are." He leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss on the top of the other man's head. "As far as I'm concerned, the only thing that matters is that you're here right now. It doesn't mean you're gay. Doesn't mean I'm gay. It just means that for right now, we want each other. That's all."

Lewis sat unmoving as Tim bent closer to him, dropping soft kisses along the side of his face. "That's if I stay."

"Tell me you don't want to," Bayliss breathed, his whisper caressing Lewis' ear.

Lewis looked up at him, his eyes wide and dark. "You're all I been thinkin' about since the other day. I can't go around pretendin' this whole thing never happened. But I can't promise you. . ."

"Shh," Bayliss said, running his hand over Lewis' soft hair. "I don't want your promises. I just want you."

"Shit. This is gonna be so hard." He wrenched away from Tim's hand. "Seein' you every day at work, at the bar. . .if I had any sense, I'd walk outa here right now."

"Would that make it any easier?"

"No," Meldrick groaned. "Always wantin' what I can't have. . .that ain't easier. But what if I. . .what if you. . ."

"Look," Bayliss interrupted him. "I'll make you a promise, okay? Stay with me tonight, and tomorrow, whatever you want, it's all right." He looked pleadingly into Lewis' eyes. "Just. . .please. . .stay."

The entreaty in Tim's eyes made Lewis feel at once humble and powerful. Bayliss was laying himself out at his feet, he thought, surprised at his own intuition. He could crush the other man with a single word--or he could give him what they both so desperately wanted. He opened his mouth, still unsure of what he would say, until he heard himself saying it.

"I ain't leavin', Timmy."

Bayliss was right. It didn't matter. If he was gay, then he was gay. But if he left now--if he swept all this under the rug--he would never know. He looked up at Tim, the question he was afraid to ask apparent on his face.

"I'm new at this too, remember?" Bayliss grinned, a little sheepishly. "We can figure it out together." He extended his hand and pulled Lewis to his feet. "I think we should start it off right," he added, cupping his other hand behind Lewis' head as he bent to kiss him.

"Yeah," Meldrick sighed against Tim's mouth as their lips met. Oh yeah. This was what he'd been wanting; his fear, his anxiety, his uncertainty all melted away as he felt gentle lips pressing against his own. This time, there was no anger in their embrace, no desperate hunger for something neither wanted to admit they needed; instead, Lewis was filled with wonder that this could feel so right.

Bayliss was overwhelmed. He knew how hard he had fought his own feelings before admitting them even to himself; he had never dreamed that Meldrick would be able to give in like this without a long inward struggle. He promised himself that whatever happened--if Barbara came back, if Lewis decided Tim was the wrong man for him--'hell, even if I caught him in bed with Frank,' he thought wryly--he would be content with what Meldrick would give him tonight.

As their kiss deepened, they sank together into Lewis' chair; landing awkwardly entwined, tongues meeting in a gentle dance, hands reading each other's bodies in a lovers' Braille. The chair was a tight fit for two, but neither wanted to move; Tim, sprawled as he was, half on Meldrick's lap, half in the chair, thought he had never been so comfortable.

He pulled away a little, to taste the skin that he had only sampled before, and Lewis groaned softly before finding a new place for his tongue in the hollow behind Tim's ear. Tim shuddered in delight as Meldrick lapped at the hidden spot, then bit his earlobe gently. His own lips stilled against Lewis' neck, and he murmured nonsense words into the soft skin as Lewis moved on to tease the convolutions of his ear.

The warm breath in Tim's ear sent a shiver through him, straight to his groin. Suddenly, the chair was not quite so comfortable. He could feel Meldrick's erection beginning to press into his leg, and he was seized with a sudden desire to tear away the clothes that were the last barrier between them. Trying to still his ardor to a manageable level, he took Lewis' head in his hands gently, and pulled it up so that they were face to face. Bayliss shivered again at the touch of cool air on his wet skin. He licked his lips reflexively.

"Come on. Stand up," he said, sliding off Meldrick's lap. "This chair wasn't built for two."

Lewis stood up a little stiffly, wondering what to do next. It was one thing to give in to sudden passion in an anonymous motel room; it was something completely different to let himself be led to Bayliss' bed, to know that he would wake up the next morning with the man he had been trying his best to avoid for days. He could still back out, he thought wildly. He hadn't exactly promised to stay.

Then, slowly, silently, Bayliss extended his hand, cupping Lewis' jaw and stroking his thumb across his lips, just as he had done in the bar that first night. "Please, Meldrick," he whispered. And just as he had then, almost involuntarily, Lewis parted his lips slightly and teased the exploring digit with his tongue. All thoughts of leaving vanished from his mind as though they had never been.

When Tim's thumb slipped between his lips, he sucked it further into his mouth, reveling in the unaccustomed sensation of the rough, salty skin on his tongue. He made a sound deep in his throat and pulled Bayliss closer to him, firm hands pressing on warm, tight buttocks, hardness rubbing on hardness, and, oh yes, that thumb on his wet lips, sliding in and out of his mouth like. . .no, he couldn't think about that. Not yet.

Bayliss' free hand worked busily at his back, sliding under Lewis' shirt to touch naked skin. Oh, this was good. He hadn't known that every knob of his spine was a separate erogenous zone until Tim's fingers brushed against each in turn on their way down, lower and lower, before stopping, trapped in the cleft just below his waist. He groaned and writhed a little against Bayliss then, relishing the feeling of the other man hard against him. Tim pulled his thumb out of Meldrick's mouth, achingly slowly, and murmured, "You like this so far?"

Lewis' only response was another muffled groan as he captured Bayliss' mouth with his own. His hands moved between them, pulling Tim's loose T-shirt away from his body, stroking his chest lightly. After a moment, he broke away and said, "Let me see you, Tim. I didn't get a chance to. . .really see you. . .the other night." He pulled the shirt over Bayliss' head and took a deep breath before fumbling at the waistband of his shorts. With Tim's hands guiding him, he slipped the shorts off and gazed at what was revealed. There was no doubt in his mind anymore. He wanted to touch and taste every inch of that long, lean body, wanted to know it as well as he did his own, wanted to see what it took to make Bayliss shudder and beg and cry out his name in desperate need.

But Tim had other ideas. "Look what you've done to me," he said, his voice thick with desire. "You gonna show me what I'm doing to you? You gonna let me see you, Meldrick?" He stroked the bulge in Lewis' jeans suggestively.

"Not here," Lewis whispered, even as he began to thrust forward into Tim's hand. 'Why not here?' he thought a second later, when the teasing fingers caught at his zipper and slid it down slowly, gently, freeing him from one layer of confinement. Force of habit had made him check out the room when he came in. The blinds were drawn; no one could see them. And Tim was already working his jeans down over his hips. . . Lewis kicked off his sneakers and stepped out of the jeans, then pulled his shirt over his head, wanting suddenly to be seen as much as Bayliss wanted to see him.

Kneeling in front of him, Tim nuzzled him gently with his chin and pressed his mouth to the hard shaft under Meldrick's white cotton briefs. "We're all alone here. No one will see," he murmured. Meldrick lay a tentative hand on Tim's head, wanting to pull it closer, but still--even now--afraid to take that final step. What on earth was possessing him? he thought. Letting a man do this to him. . .As Bayliss' tongue flicked against the tip of his cock, then began to lave it gently, the wet cloth of his briefs increasing the friction, he moaned helplessly, no longer capable of coherent thought.

When Tim's mouth left him, Lewis forgot his earlier misgivings and tried to push his head back towards his aching erection. But Tim ducked away as his warm, strong hands pulled off the confining briefs. He rocked backwards on his heels and stood up, an expression of desperate hunger on his face. "I want you in my mouth, Meldrick," he whispered.

Lewis pulled Tim close for a long, deep kiss, bucking and rubbing against him eagerly, telling him with his body what he still could not bring himself to say aloud. Finally, Tim pulled away, murmuring into Meldrick's neck, "I want it to be so good for you. . ." He sank back onto his knees and tentatively lapped along the length of Meldrick's shaft.

With the first touch of tongue on heated flesh, Lewis arched his back and made a sound deep in his throat, rubbing himself along Bayliss' face. "Please. . ."

Tim's lips parted and gently encircled the head of Meldrick's cock. His tongue flicked out again, tasting the fluid that was beginning to leak from the tip. At first hesitant, he began to suck, letting the engorged length slide deeper into his mouth until he had taken as much of it as he could manage. His gaze flickered upward, just for an instant. He saw Lewis, head thrown back and fists clenched at his sides, and a surge of desire washed over him. He reached for one of Meldrick's hands, gently guiding it to his head. Pulling away for a second, he whispered, "Touch me. Tell me what you want," then plunged down again, this time more sure of himself.

Meldrick's hand worked in his hair, almost involuntarily, pushing him closer, forcing him to take the lust-swollen organ deeper in his mouth than he had thought possible. He wondered for a moment if he was doing it right--he knew what he liked, but did Meldrick like it the same way?--then his doubt vanished as he listened to the sounds his lover was making. They were hardly words, he thought absently, one hand cupping and squeezing Lewis' balls cautiously, but they were enough.

"Tim. . .baby, that feels so good. . .oh yes, like that, please. . ." The words stirred Bayliss to a frenzy of licking and sucking, Meldrick's cock sliding in and out of his mouth, harder and faster as the last vestiges of restraint melted away. "You feel so good. . .hot and wet on me. . .so hot. . .so good. . ." He felt Meldrick's balls tighten and knew that he was close to coming, but at this point he no longer cared. He wanted to imprison Meldrick in his mouth as he reached the edge; to make him thrust so hard that his balls slapped into Tim's chin, to taste Lewis as he came deep inside his mouth.

"Oh god, Tim, I'm gonna. . ." Lewis tried to pull away, but Bayliss held him firmly. "I'm gonna come. . .in your mouth. . .is that what you want?" Suddenly, his demeanor changed as Bayliss continued to suck greedily, unrelentingly at him. He growled deep in his throat, rocking hard and fast against Tim's face, twining both hands in his hair, slamming wildly into him again and again.

He came in great spurts, shouting incoherently, back arched and hands desperately gripping Tim's head. Bayliss swallowed as fast as he could, tasting the bittersweet flavor of a man's seed for the first time, feeling himself grow harder as Lewis cried out his name. But when it was over, Meldrick bowed his head, ashamed.

"I did try, Timmy. I told you. . .I didn't mean for you to. . ."

Bayliss sat on the floor, breathing hard, staring up at him. "I wanted to. Come here," he said, pulling Lewis down beside him. "Did I do it right?"

"Oh, yeah," Lewis sighed, remembering how good it felt to drive deep inside that hot, hungry mouth, how Bayliss seemed to know by instinct how to take him to the heights of ecstasy.

"Then that's all that matters. You taste so good," Tim added. "How could I not want to?"

Thinking only of rewarding the other man for something he still wasn't sure he had the nerve to do himself, Lewis took Tim's face in his hands and kissed him gently. When he tasted himself in Tim's mouth, he recoiled for a split second, then relaxed, delving deeper with his tongue, searching out the unfamiliar savor, finding himself relishing the thought that Bayliss had done this for him. He wanted to give him the same pleasure, he was sure of that. Nothing had ever felt this good. He had to give something back.

Pulling Bayliss back up to his knees, he wrapped his arms around him. Their bodies met, mouth seeking mouth, chest against chest, Meldrick's leg pressed firmly between Tim's thighs and into his throbbing hardness. They writhed desperately together, kneeling face to face, until Lewis toppled Bayliss over onto his back. He dropped little, searching kisses down the length of Tim's neck, pausing briefly in the hollow where his pulse beat hard, then moved lower, discovering the places that made Tim moan and whimper when he licked, or sucked, or bit them. 'Just like me,' he thought idly, swirling his tongue around a nipple and feeling it harden as Tim arched into his mouth. He stroked the other one, then flicked it hard with his thumb, making his lover gasp and tighten his grip on Meldrick's back.

Sliding down further, caressing Tim with his tongue, Lewis reveled in the scent and touch and taste of the man he wanted so desperately. He knelt between Tim's legs, nipping and licking at the soft skin of his inner thigh, rubbing his beard lightly along the path his mouth had made, bracing himself to take a man's cock in his mouth for the first time in his life.

As Meldrick's lips brushed against him, Tim forced himself to pull away. "No. . .don't," he ground out.

"What's the matter, Timmy? Somethin' you haven't told me?" He looked up at Bayliss sharply. "You got somethin' you don't want me to catch?"

Tim rubbed his back reassuringly. "No, nothing like that. It's just. . .do you really want to do this?"

"That's a fine thing to ask me now," he murmured against Tim's belly.

"You haven't even touched me yet."

"What do you call this?" Meldrick asked, running his tongue teasingly around Bayliss' navel.

"You know what I mean. Touch me. Go on. I want you to touch me."

Mouth, hand, at this point, it made no difference to him, he thought, catching a glimpse of Bayliss' face as he waited hungrily for Meldrick's touch. He wanted to please Tim, any way he wanted it. He wrapped his hand around the gently pulsing organ, softest silk over steel under his palm, and stroked it lightly.

Tim moaned at the feeling of Meldrick's hand on him. He knew he wouldn't last long, and he was glad. He didn't want the other man doing anything he would regret in the morning. "Don't stop. . .just do that. . .it's so good, Meldrick. . ." Lewis' hesitation gave way to confident rhythm as Tim's body encouraged him with its response.

Tim thrust into Meldrick's hand over and over again, feeling as though his whole being was concentrated in the throbbing nerve endings of his cock. When, suddenly, the warm hand slipped away, he whimpered incoherently. Had Meldrick decided this was too much for him? How could he leave him like this?

He opened eyes he hadn't realized were closed to see Lewis bending determinedly over him. Before he could react, he felt a hot tongue bathing the length of his shaft. There was nothing he could do, he was so close. With a wild cry, he exploded, shooting his come over Meldrick's face and chest.

He sagged back, closing his eyes again, afraid of what he might see when he opened them. Finally, though, his curiosity got the better of him. "I'm sorry," he began, before he saw what his lover was doing. Slowly, deliberately, Meldrick dragged one finger through the semen that spattered his golden skin, then raised it to his mouth and licked it, locking his eyes with Tim's.

"I wanted to do that," he said huskily. "I'm not afraid anymore."

The sky was just beginning to brighten when Tim rolled over in bed to find his lover gone. He had half expected it, fearing that even though Meldrick had come to bed with him, even though they had fallen asleep entwined and caressing each other, the thought of what he had done would be too much for him to handle. Tim knew it had been too good to last; nothing ever worked out for him; no one ever stayed. All he hoped was that Meldrick would be civil to him the next time they met.

He might as well get up, he thought resignedly, stretching and yawning. He'd never fall back to sleep now.

As he opened his bedroom door, the first thing that caught his eye was the flickering reflection of the television screen on the wall of the darkened living room. The second was Lewis, sprawled naked in his armchair, watching the video Tim had turned off a few hours before.

"You're here," Tim said, stunned into stating the obvious.

"I couldn't sleep," Meldrick answered softly. "I wanted to think."

It's okay if you want to leave. You don't have to worry about me."

"I wasn't thinkin' about you. I was thinkin' about me."

Tim was unable to say a word. He had promised; whatever Meldrick wanted, he would live with his decision. 'But stay. Please,' he thought desperately.

"C'mere, Timmy," Lewis said, extending his hand. As Tim crossed the remaining space between then, he continued, "I meant what I said before. I'm not afraid. I don't care what it makes me. . .or you. . .or us."

He took Tim's hand and nodded at the image on the screen. "The man's got it right, even though he got a trolley runnin' through his living room. He likes us just the way we are." He paused for a moment and looked directly into Tim's eyes. "And so do I."